ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
