Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you will always have a special place in my vag
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
