so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
