mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
