I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
