Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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