Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
