Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
