SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
