very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
