Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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