If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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