I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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