woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
