ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
