feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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