This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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