4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize