Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
