Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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