i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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