I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
