I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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