We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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