I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
