mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
barbara walters just said penis...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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