In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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