and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
