I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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