Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
