Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
