I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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