She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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