Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
