and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
