I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
