GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
