Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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