he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
