Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
