If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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