she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
