I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
