there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize