I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
