i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
