I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
