Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
