I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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