Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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