I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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