take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
