Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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