babies were throwing up all over the place
so let's talk penis.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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