My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
