The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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