I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
