I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
