I hate all girls vehemently.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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