OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
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The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
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He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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