It's like God shit irony all over that family
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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