Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
