Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's never too late to be topless.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
