if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
