I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
