Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I cockslap morals
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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