She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
