I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My first STD was from a foam party
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
