my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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