yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she told me i tasted like america
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
