My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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