yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
