you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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