So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
