i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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