I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
