Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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